Another week down – that’s crazy! I have no idea where the time is going. All I know is that this week, Psalm 46 did not get memorized. I selected it because we had looked at it last Friday in my Psalter class, finding that the Hebrew in 46:10 (“Be still and know that I am God!”) is actually closer to “Let go and know that I am God!” “Let go.” Wow. That blew my mind. It has the connotation of letting go of a rope or unclenching one’s fist (as in a war).

This “letting go” also came up later when I was in contemplative prayer and meditating on what I felt called to work on in my relationships with God and others. What came up was trusting God more. And when I prayed about and listened for how to trust more, the answer I heard was twofold: to embrace the blessings God has given me and to “let go and know that I am God.”

So when it came time to pick a psalm to memorize, I thought Psalm 46 would be a winner. However, when I sat down to read over it, nothing was sticking. I tried a few times and it just wasn’t speaking to me. And throughout the week, various things came up and I neglected poor 46. Sigh.

When I realized the week had gone by and I hadn’t managed to memorize this psalm, I was discouraged. How could I have been such a slacker? Even if it wasn’t speaking to me, I still should have spent more time with it, opening my heart to see if it would touch me. However, this struggle with Psalm 46 seems to have served to point me in the direction of my next psalm. What could it be? Psalm 42:

As a deer longs for flowing streams,
so my soul longs for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and behold
the face of God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me continually,
‘Where is your God?’
4 These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I went with the throng,
and led them in procession to the house of God,
with glad shouts and songs of thanksgiving,
a multitude keeping festival.
5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help 6and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
at the thunder of your cataracts;
all your waves and your billows
have gone over me.
8 By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God, my rock,
‘Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I walk about mournfully
because the enemy oppresses me?’
10 As with a deadly wound in my body,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me continually,
‘Where is your God?’
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.

You may wonder why I’ve chosen a longer psalm when I couldn’t even get through the relatively short Psalm 46 last week, but I think I’ll have better luck because this speaks to me, especially the first two verses: “As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” Like the deer of the wilderness longing for a stream, I, too, long to be closer to God – to be filled with God’s Holy Spirit and inspired (“in-Spirited”) for service to God and the world.

With this psalm on my lips and in my heart, perhaps it’ll be a constant reminder of what and for whom I should be longing – not after the things of this world, but God. And in those moments when my soul is disquieted and cast down, I can recall that I will indeed praise God at a later time – as I have done in the past so many times due to God’s mercy, grace and outrageous generosity.

© 2011. Annabelle Peake. All rights reserved.

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